Beyond The Shadows
by DreamingOutLoudXxX
Summary: Naruto lost his father a year ago but he constantly blames himself for the accident. When Sasuke starts attending Konoha high school, he falls for Naruto. But when tragedy strikes and Sasuke's dark secret is revealed, will Naruto be able to handle it or will this push him over the edge? SasuNaru; Rated M just in case;
1. Prologue

Prologue

* * *

In my dreams, darkness looms. A haven where the unholy worship a dying sky and life is an endless suffering. A man sits on a ledge; an amber bottle in one hand, and a gun with a plan. I don't know him, his eyes are ink black.

Powder white face and raven black hair. He parts his lips; blood drips out, staining his ghostly lips. Skeleton hands stretch out, grasping shadow throats. He is cold and weak with an overwhelming urge to claw out his wretched heart. Composure cracked, showing a cryptic past and a tear stained face revealing a tragic vision of his life.

I watch as a little boy is being skinned alive while his father is too intoxicated to help. Praying for a bitter end, there is none. God cannot see through the shadow of hate and misery. In this darkness, a crimson rain falls causing him to slip and crash down on the pavement.

Fear ran a chilling finger down my spine, shocking me wide awake. I sat up quickly, breathing heavily. When I calmed down a bit, I reached for the light. Once it switched on, red was everywhere. I didn't have to guess what it was; I knew blood when I saw it.


	2. Sweet Dreams

I skim my finger over the cut on my lip. Fresh blood trickles down my chin. Rain fall washes away the crimson liquid. My finger glides over to my cheek; a thick purple bruise is already formed. My hand drops to my side. I already know my nose is broken and bloody.  
It's after midnight, everyone is asleep and I'm all alone in a big empty street. The only light is coming from the street lights; fortunate for me there is plenty of space between each light. I'd rather hide in the darkness.  
When I get home, the kitchen lights are on alerting me that my mother is awake. A groan escapes my lips, this should be interesting. When I walk in my mother is up out of her chair. "Naruto! What happen to you?" She rushes over to my side and pulls my face closer to examine it. "Nothing happened." I grunt out.  
She looked at me in disbelief. "You're bleeding! That's not nothing!" She yells. I pull away from her and walk towards the stairs. "It's just a scratch!" I yell back. She grabs my arm and I annoyingly look over my shoulder at her.  
"What happened to you? Naruto, you're losing your way. Let me help you…" She pleas, tears are pushing over the edge. "It's been almost a year… You left me all alone in that time and NOW you want to help me?" I pull away and head up the stairs. She doesn't follow, and for that I'm thankful.  
I pass my bedroom and head to the bathroom. I close the door behind me and I go straight toward the tub. I don't need to look in the mirror; I know I'm a mess. That's not the reason I skipped my reflection though, I don't want to look in the mirror because I won't see me. I'll see him.  
I turn the water up high; I want the steam to fog up the glass so that when I leave, I won't see anything but a blur.  
The next day, I slam my locker shut. I'm starving and I want food now. Just one more class and then I can go to lunch and pig out like Choji. I take a seat near the window and next to my best friend Kiba. "What the hell happen to your face?" He practically shouts. I grin and roll my eyes.  
"I ran into some kid from the School of Sound. They were mouthing off to me so I taught them a lesson." I shrug. "You never called me! I would have so helped out!" Kiba always loved a good fight.  
The class slowly files through the door, mere seconds before the bell rings. It's always fun to watch students struggle to be on time or get here before Iruka gets here. Recently he's started locking the door, and I found out the hard way.  
It was shocking when Iruka didn't walk through the door right after the bell had rung. I've never known him for being late. Everyone else seemed to notice as well because they were all chatting away. I decided to just look out the window. I wasn't interested in talking with Kiba and I didn't want to look at the boring white board.  
Ten minutes later, he finally showed up but he wasn't alone. I wasn't honestly interested in who was with him so my attention went back out the window. It seemed that whoever was with him caused uproar with the woman population because a wave of gasps silenced the room.  
The rest of class was boring as usual and there was no point in even listening. I honestly could have taken a nap and still be able to get a B on the assignment. Instead my attention never left the outside world. I thought of the most random things ever and in the end none of it was important.  
When lunch finally was sitting in front of me, I felt sick to my stomach. The food looked disgusting, and it smelled worse. I pushed aside my tray, not even daring to attempt eating it. "You ok man?" Kiba asked. "Delightful." I pretended to be gagging.  
Kiba laughed and left the rest alone. "You really haven't been acting like yourself today. During third period you basically spaced out." Shikamaru picked up on the 'unusual' behavior I've been presenting. "See! You did the same in forth! Like, you didn't even to bother to glance at that new guy. And he's something to look at!" Kiba slapped my shoulder.  
I shrugged not really wanting to explain myself because I honestly thought I was being normal. "Are you going to eat that mac&cheese?" Choji butted in. I pushed my tray toward him and he happily took it.  
"Dude, you normally would plot to mess with Neji for beating up Gaara. Now you're just sitting there like a sack of potatoes!" I glanced at Kiba and smiled. I reached over to my tray and grabbed the spoon. I scooped up some disgusting excuse for mac&cheese and turned to face the rest of the lunchroom.  
After locating Neji, I pulled back on the tip of the spoon and aimed. What I had hoped for was that it would hit him smack in the face but sadly for me he ducked and it ended up hitting Ino Yamanaka in the back of the head.  
When she screamed louder than a gun going off nest to your ear, I flipped back around and threw the spoon at Choji. I was not about to get killed by a small blonde girl. Kiba howled with laughter and Shikamaru shook his head in peer mocking disappointment. "WHO THREW MACARONI AT MY HEAD?" Ino's voice echoed. I cringed in fear.  
I kept my head low and said nothing. Everyone else was simply confused out of their mind except for those who knew what had happened. I didn't even chance a glance at what was happening now. The lunchroom was eerie quiet and it bothered me.  
The sound of clicking heels made my heart pound out of my chest. A cold sweat covered my forehead and a shiver ran down my spine. When I saw Ino walk past me, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Good one man! You nearly got us all killed." Kiba laughed out. I punched his arm, causing him to laugh harder.  
An hour and a half later I walked into my final class of the day. I was ready to get out of here and go home. I was tired and hungry, but over all my face was starting to throb. Last night while I was in the shower, I broke my nose back into place and it was the most painful thing I had ever done in my life and now it was hurting again.  
"Is this seat taken?" I voice interrupted my agonizing pain thoughts. "Uh… no." I looked up to the speaker. He was tall and he had dark hair, almost raven black. His eyes were inky black as well and his skin was pale white like the snow. "Hi." He smiled.  
I took a million hours for my brain to process words. "Hi." I don't know why, but I seemed to be dumbfounded for the first time in my life. "My name is Sasuke. I'm new here." His smile grew bigger.  
His lips were a light shade of pink and it looked weird on such a pale face. "My name's Naruto. Nice to meet you." I held out my hand. He seemed to gladly take it. "If you don't mind me asking, what happen to your face?" I blinked a few times then remembered the pain. "I fell." I lied.  
A small chuckle escaped him. "You fell?" He questioned. For some odd reason a smile crept onto my face. I didn't know what was so funny but I was laughing. "Yea, I fell." I shook my head and laughed harder.  
For some odd reason, I wanted to turn toward him and tell him the truth. I didn't like lying to him, and I didn't understand why. I've lied to plenty of people in my life and never had a problem with it. What is wrong with me?  
After class was let out and school was done for another day, I met up with Kiba and Shikamaru by the entrance gates. "Yo!" Kiba smiled. "You're right, something is wrong with me." I stood in front of the two. "I just don't know what it is that's wrong." I glanced at Shikamaru, looking for answers.  
"When did you finally realize this?" Shikamaru questioned. "I was in my last class and I lied to the new kid and it didn't sit right with me." I pondered at my words for a moment. "You talked to the new guy?!" Kiba butted in.  
I nodded. "Yea, he sat next to me and he asked about my face. I said I fell and we started laughing." I glanced back a Shikamaru. "Perhaps you're just having an off day?" He suggested. "Or maybe you fell in love with the new guy! You know, that whole 'Love at first sight' bull shit." Kiba added his two cents.  
I glared at Kiba and gave him a shove. "Piss off Kiba," I barked. "Maybe you're right Shika; I think I'm just out of it." I scratched that back of my head awkwardly. "Eh, if I were you, I would go home and get some sleep." Shikamaru shrugged. I nodded and thanked him. Then I patted Kiba on the shoulder took off toward home.  
Thankfully my mother was out when I got home, I wasn't really up to talking with her. I was still pissed about last night, even though she did nothing wrong. I just don't want help at the moment; I want to be left alone.  
A year I took care of that crazy woman, a year of my life wasted. Yet I don't blame her, she needed the help. I want nothing more than to help her, but now it's my turn. I want to be left alone; I want to stumble around in the dark. If I die, then I die without making something of myself.  
I pop a few pain killers then plop down onto my bed. I stare at a plain white ceiling. Blank. Empty. Its strange how after you lose someone, you wish to be everything else in the world except understanding.  
I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear the front door close. "Naruto, are you home?" My mother's voice echoes in the silence. I don't reply. I could hear the click of her heels as she came up the stairs. I rolled on to my side, facing away from the door.  
"Naruto, are you in here?" The door creaked open. I don't answer her; I just stay still and pretend to sleep. I know its mean, but I don't want to see her. She sighs, "Please, someone help him find his way." It's no louder than a whisper, a silent prayer.


	3. Other Side

Chapter Two

Other side

The next morning, I had no desire to get out of bed and drag myself through the day. I had a bad headache so I figured that would be a good excuse to get Kushina to call me in. I reached over to grab my phone and called her.

"Are you alright?" Kushina's voice rang loudly through the phone. "My head hurts really bad." My voice cracked a bit. "Oh sweetie, do you need to see a doctor?" The worry in her voice made my stomach do sickening flips. "I don't think I need to…" The line went silent for a minute. "Alright, I'll call you in."

I was about to close then phone when Kushina said something more. "Oh and Naruto, I'll bring up something for you to eat and some medicine before I leave for work." "Thanks Kushina." I froze… The line was quiet for a while then all I heard was the dial tone. When had I started calling her by her name instead of mom?

A few hours later I woke up to silence. On my night stand, there was a plate of toast and a glass of water with two pills next to it. I sighed and just left everything in place with the exception of me getting out of bed.

First thing I grab is my cell phone to text Kiba. I don't get very far when I see that I received eight messages from him. _'Where are you?' _is the latest text. '_Home, got a headache.'_ I replied. By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs Kiba had texted back.

'_Fuck you dude! Stop playin' baby and cum to skool.'_ He never was a good speller but he really didn't care, it just bugged me. Correct grammar was something I learned at a young age, and it just stuck ever since.

My father was a literature teacher at the college, so creative writing was a personal favorite of mine. He used to read me a book every night until I learned how to read by myself. Then he would have me read to him before bed. Now I didn't read much at all… it didn't feel right since he had passed last spring.

A year ago I was an athletic and smart kid; except for math… Math was too complicated for me. Now I was at a C average because I just stop caring, thing is, I don't remember when I stopped.

_Last spring I was playing my fifth game in soccer, we were winning by three. Suddenly a timeout was called just as I kicked for the goal. Coach didn't even call for a huddle, he just waved me over. He pulled me far from all the other player, hand on my shoulder, head down, and eyes on his shoes. _

_"Naruto, I don't know how to tell you this… Your mother called." He started off. I waited but when he didn't say anything after a good minute, I said "What did she need? What was so important that you did a timeout?"_

_Not once had the coach looked up from his shoes. What was so interesting about them? Finally after the ref told him to hurry it up he announced the most horrifying thing. "Your father was in a really bad accident and he is being taken to the hospital now…" I was the quiet one now. _

_My eyes were wide in shock. My mind was spinning, trying to get a grip on what he had said. I slowly fell back, landing on my butt. I raked my hands through my hair repeatedly then I gripped my hair tightly. Tears streamed down my face. They felt hot and crawled down my cheek like spiders. _

_The coach kneeled down, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Naruto, I'm so sorry… If you need to leave…" I smacked his hand away. I wanted to scream at him; or I just wanted to scream, but nothing would come past my trembling lips. _

_When the ref came jogging up, he didn't even notice me crying. "Sir, we need to continue the game, now either bench him or let's go!" He sounded irritated. "Look, his father is going to the hospital, we need a minute." The coach explained. "We don't have a minute!" The ref hollowed at him. _

_I stood abruptly, making them both jump. I looked at the ref and then just punched him in the face. "I'm sorry my father's death is such a fucking inconvenience to you and the damn game!" I screamed down at him. _

_The crowd looked horrified and sorrowful; the teams were awestruck from me punching the ref. The field was silent. The coach was silent. I just turned and walked away. I walked the whole way to the hospital. _

_"Naruto!" my mother rushed over to me, embracing me and sobbing. I couldn't bring myself to hug her back. "Let go of me." My voice wouldn't go above a whisper. She pulled away, hands still holding on to his shoulders as if she would crumble to the ground without the support. A questioning look was on her face. _

_"What happen to my father?" I felt so numb…empty… "H-he was walking to the field and was beaten to death by some random person…" Minato Namikaze, my father… died coming to watch me play a stupid high school game. "Tell me they caught the guy." Tears ran down my face again. _

_Kushina shook her head slowly, never taking her eyes off my own. "Is he…" I couldn't bring myself to ask if he was dead, but she seem to know what I was saying. "I don't know." She cried. _

_Three hours of sitting in the waiting room, doing nothing but thinking… repeating over in my head how everything played out from this morning until now. Finally a doctor or nurse came up, mourning in their eyes. It was then I knew the answer…_

_…I had killed my father. _

Kushina had lost it. A year I was left keeping myself along with her fed, doing laundry, working my ass off to pay bills, while still going to school. It was about three weeks ago that she seemed to have finally snapped out of her funk.

Now it's my turn to learn to coop with this. I don't have anything else to keep my focus away from it so I might as well just let it happen. I am a bit scared that I might end up killing myself with how much I might lose it though, and then everything I did to keep Kushina alive would be for nothing.

I need to get out of this house before I think too deeply into the matter, or worse… I shook the thoughts away and headed up stairs to get dressed. It was a little after four so I could always to hang out with the guys.

For some reason, I didn't want to see them. Lately I wanted nothing more to be alone in complete silence. No friends, no teachers, no mom… just myself and my thoughts. Sitting in the house was too depressing and walking through town ran the risk of everyone staring at me and thinking how much my life must suck.

'_Poor Naruto lost his father.'_ or '_His mother lost it and his father died, it couldn't possibly get any worse than that.'_ I swear, sometimes I could just hear what everyone said just by looking in their eyes.

I for one am getting sick of it. I know my life took a turn for the worse but right now, I need a moment to breathe. Saying you're sorry doesn't make me feel better. Cooking food and leaving it on the porch doesn't help, although on occasion it did.

No one understands what it's like, and they never will until it happens to them. I don't wish it on to anybody but god damn I wish they did know what it was like. Maybe then they would know to leave me alone to grieve.

I left a note on the table for Kushina, just to be nice and hope she wouldn't freak out and call the cops. I headed out without my cell, not wanting to be bothered. I walked left, going further into the neighborhood. I wasn't actually heading anywhere specific, but the farther away from the city, the better.

I had a sense of where I might end up, but you never know. I might run across the country like Tom Hanks did in the movie _Forrest Gump. _I could live in the wilderness like Emile Hirsch did in the movie _Into the Wild_. Anything could happen with just a simple walk.

That's what my dad taught me. A more outrageous form of "Expect the unexpected" type thing. He would tell me that every time I would get upset about something. If I lost a game or even got turn down by a girl, he would be there to tell me that anything could happen.

Now no one would tell me that. I was left with just memories.


	4. Roads Untraveled

Chapter Three

Roads Untraveled

"Hey, where were you yesterday?" Kiba took a seat in front of me the next morning. I looked up at him and blinked, "Huh?" Kiba shook his head. "Dude, I stopped by your house. Even you mom didn't know where you were." He looked worried.

I smiled shrugged. "I just went out for a walk. I even left a note for her on the table, so she should have known." I pondered the thought. "Gone out, be back in a while. I totally know where that is!" Kiba mouthed off. I just rolled my eyes then went back to staring out the window.

Classes normally didn't start until seven, but on Mondays and Fridays they started at seven thirty. So the sun was just coming up and it looked pretty. I could feel a sense of calm just looking at all the vibrant colors. I know I'm a guy, but I actually have a brain and I'm close to my womanly side. Sue me!

"Morning," A somewhat familiar voice rang. I turned to see faded blue skinny jeans and a black button down shirt. Glancing up, I noticed pink lips in the form of a smile looking down at me. "Morning, Sasuke." I smile back as he takes a seat next to me.

Kiba's mouth hit the ground and his eyes nearly pop out of his skull. I almost reached over to help him close it, but then I would be admitting to knowing him. So instead I face Sasuke; strangely happy to see him.

"I didn't realize you had the same home room as me." Sasuke laughed, "Neither did I until I walked in and saw you." A small chuckle escaped from past my lips. "Well, just a heads up… Kakashi normally just sits at his desks and reads. We don't actually do anything in here." I kept my voice low.

I glanced at Kiba; his mouth was still wide open. He kept staring at me, like I'd committed treason or something. "Is… is he okay?" Sasuke obviously noticed Kiba's weird state too. "I… I think so?" I couldn't even answer straight.

Suddenly Kiba snapped out of whatever he was in and smiled. "Sorry, I'm fine. I just spaced out for a second. My name is Kiba Inuzuka." He held his hand out towards Sasuke, which he cautiously took. "Sasuke Uchiha." He voice was unsure.

Throughout the whole class we talked. I found out that Sasuke's parents travel for work so Sasuke was moved around a lot, and he was living with his older brother Itachi. Everything Sasuke said was so interesting to me, I hung on to his every word and lost track of time.

When the bell rang, I was disappointed. "I wish I could hear more, but I have Gym next." I walked down the hall with Sasuke. "So do I!" He perked up. "I normally skip that class." I smiled sheepishly. "Why's that?" Sasuke looked at me with actual interest. "If you skip, I'll tell you." I smirked.

I didn't think Sasuke would actually do it considering he was new, but he agreed to do it. A smile slowly crept along my face. "Follow me." I lead him to my secret get away spot. It actually wasn't so secret because this was where a lot of students would come to smoke or make out, but since it was morning the roof was clear.

"Nice location." Sasuke walked around for a moment and I took a seat, leaning against the wall. "I like the quiet." I looked up at the sky. Sasuke stood next to me, looking down at me. I could feel his eyes searching mine. "They say eyes are the door to the soul." Words came before I could stop them.

Sasuke smirked. "So why do you skip?" He looked to his left. "Anko was my soccer coach last year and during one of the games, I punched one of the ref's in the face and got permanently banned from all high school soccer. I haven't been able to face her since."

It was quiet for awhile. "Why?" Sasuke spoke up. "I feel like I disappointed her." Even though he wasn't specific on what he was asking, I just knew. I swear I could hear his unspoken questions. "I punched the ref because he was an ass." I laughed.

I looked up at Sasuke, and he was looking back down at me. "There's more to that story I'm guessing." I shrugged. Words seemed to stick in my throat and my eyes started to water. I abruptly stood and left. Sasuke called after me, but I wouldn't stop. I needed to escape.

I walked past the front office, the secretary not missing a beat, came after me. "Mr. Uzumaki? Where do you think you're going?" I pushed the doors open to the outside world. "To look for something worth living for." I continued to the school gates.

"What do you mean?!" Shock echoed in her voice. I turned and smiled sincerely at her. "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal." Then I left. Again I was going somewhere, I just didn't know where or how long it would take me to get there.

I don't know why I was running or from what, all I knew was that I couldn't stand being in a building full of people that think they know what I was going through. They didn't know anything.

_"Dad, you have to go to the game tonight!" I whined. "Naruto, I have classes to teach tonight. I don't know if I'll make it for half of the game. You need to tell me these things sooner." Minato sighed with frustration. _

_I watched him ruffle through different stacks of paper, in search from something important. "Have you seen my class plans?" He moved on to his next pile. "They're on the table." I said in a monotone voice. _

_Minato stopped for a second and turned to face me. "Son… don't be like this." He pleaded. "Why not? I've played soccer for three years and not once have you seen me play! Mom doesn't go to the games either so I don't have anyone in the stands to cheer me on! I'm tired of walking off the field with friends and not having my parents there to tell me I did good._

_Do you know what's worse than that? You never ask how my games go. I let it slide because you're busy with work. And I have told you sooner, I told you about this game two weeks in advance! It's even posted on the fridge…"The words were whispered in the end._

_Things became quiet to the point where you could hear a pin drop. I couldn't look at my dad, I was so angry with him. Why wasn't he saying anything? Someone inhaled, then let all the air escape their lungs. "Alright Naruto… I promise I will try my hardest to make it." A smile was in his voice. _

_I snapped my head up to look at him. "Really? Thank! You have no idea how much this means to me!" I jumped around in joy. "I-I have to go but I'll see you tonight at the game!" I ran out of my parent's room. _

I never even got to tell him how much I love him and now it's too late.

The sun was just going down when someone finally found me. I was laying in the middle of a soccer field, like what I use to do before a game. I was surprised to see Sasuke walk up and take a seat next to me.

"Why'd you run off?" He asked without looking at me. "I'm weird." I shrugged. "No you're not." He leaned back on his elbow. "What makes you think I'm not?" I glanced up at him. "You're not normal, but you're definitely not weird. Weird is all the females at your school that seem to have fallen for someone like me." He smirked.

I remained silent while quietly laughing to myself at the thought of the female population following Sasuke around in the creepiest ways. Sadly enough, that was normal for Konoha high school students.

Sasuke looked down at me with a questioning look, "What's so funny?" I smiled brightly at him. "You." A small giggle escaped past my lips. Sasuke puffed up his chest but didn't say anything about my comment. "You still never answered me." He looked away.

My smile slowly faded away from my face as I thought about the answer I was going to give him. "There's a lot more to my story." I confirmed his earlier statement. "Do you want to tell me?" Sasuke asked. I laughed coldly to myself. "It's so dark and twisted it might scare you away." I sat up, wrapping my arms around my knees.

"Nothing you say is going to scare me away Naruto." Sasuke said. I looked at him, our eyes locking. Not once did he look away, nor did he look as if he was going to break away first. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and looked away. "Alright… I'll tell you."

Four weeks had passed since I told Sasuke my dark secrets about wanting to just let myself go and how my father died. Through the whole four weeks, he was always there by my side. He would go out of his way to make me smile at least once a day.

I wasn't the only one who noticed either. Kiba constantly mocked Sasuke in his efforts and Sasuke would shrug it off like it was nothing. Shikamaru thought this was his way of showing me his true feelings, but I shrugged that off like it was nothing. All of Sasuke's fan girls would give me death glares for taking away their time with him, but neither of us really cared.

It was when I asked Sasuke why he was doing all this that I fell in love with him. He replied to me like this, "Someone cares and you deserve so much more than what you do to yourself. Don't beat yourself down, and stop holding it in. Let it all out and breathe, because the fact that you can breathe is pretty amazing, so don't give that up."

In four weeks, he became my something worth living for. I wanted nothing else than to be close to him. In the blink of an eye, I knew Sasuke was someone that cared, and I wanted nothing more than to return the favor. If he would fall in love with me, just give me that chance to show him how much he meant…

He was someone I wanted, someone I needed to hold close. He was a treasure that I had to protect before he became just a memory too. If only I could see into the future, maybe then I could stop myself from becoming a memory for everyone I knew.


	5. One More Lie

Chapter Four

One More Lie

Corpses are crushed under my feet as I walk to the shadowed figure. I hear their bones breaking, shattering with every step. I see the grave stones through the misty haze, the names of those forgotten.

His blood, the shadowed figure, coats the earth beneath our feet; his face turns to withered leather with the passing of the season. With a cigarette in hand, the smoke and my breath mingle with the fog.

The shadowed figure screams with one last breath. Fog fades, light peaks through the surrounding trees and I see. Sasuke is falling. It's like a black and white picture as I watch. Only in the end do I realize that he's now a memory.

I gasp for air as I sit up straight in my bed. The air burns my lungs and my ribcage feels like it's going to burst. I fumble blindly in the darkness, my vision is mercilessly butchered. I desperately claw for an exit. I twist, swing, and bend, grasping foolishly for something, anything to pull me out of this pit.

The tips of my fingers brush a switch. I hungrily flip it into power; the glare blinds my eyes. It feels like they're melting out of my skull. Tears form as I clamp them shut, once painfully adjusted, I observe.

My room is empty and clear of anything. I don't know what I was expecting… maybe just more blood like last time. I sigh and lay back on my bed. The cool surface quickly warms up from my body heat. '_Why did I dream of Sasuke dying?'_ I let my thought wonder around for answer but got nothing in return.

A few hours after the sunlight started to peek through my window, I decided to peel out from under my sheets and do something useful with today. I showered, dressed, grabbed the little journal from my desk, then left quietly as to not wake Kushina.

My first thought was to go to the park, but the air seemed damp and I didn't want to get the journal wet. It was like Mother Nature was feeling sad or gloomy too. Maybe someone she loves recently became a memory. I feel a bit sorry that she has to feel the same as I do.

I warp the scarf I had grabbed on my way out around my throat, protecting myself from the cooling autumn weather. I zip up my favorite orange hoodie all the way to the top and stuff my hand in the pockets; the journal safely tucked under my arm.

Somehow I ended up at the old coffee shop my father and I use to go to for pastries. His favorite was the mocha brownie cheesecake cup. A gourmet cheesecake baked on a layer of fudgy brownies topped with mocha butter cream and chocolate cake. I thought it tasted like crap.

I always favored the lemon cheesecake cups. They were my second weakness next to ramen. They were the best New York style cheesecake topped with a light and fluffy lemon mousse and fresh fruit.

"Morning Naruto!" The cashier greeted. "Good morning Emiko." I gave a polite smile, but it felt just as fake as any other. "Would you like the usual lemon cheesecake cup?" She still remembered even though I haven't been here in a year. "Yeah, and a mocha brownie one too." She raised an eyebrow at me.

I looked down at my shoes for a moment before I answered her. "It just wouldn't feel right if I didn't get one for him even though he isn't here." I looked up and smiled another fake smile. She smiled back sympathetically and rang up the order. "Don't worry. It's on the house."

I grabbed the plate with the two pastries and nodded my thanks. I sat down in a booth next to a window and close to the back. I placed the journal in front of me and examined it for a moment.

You could see how used it was from the broken spine to the yellowing pages. It was left to me after he passed and it only had one entry in the front cover. '_Writing is the best way of talking without being interrupted –Jules Renards'_ Ever since I read that, I found myself writing to him.

I wrote about every day things and how my day had been or I'd tell him about what's happening in the news, anything to just write to him. It made me feel better thinking that we were talking like we use too, but there were also those days when all I wanted was for him to write something back.

Today, I had planned on telling him about Sasuke and how we met. I wanted my father to know that things were starting to turn up for me, but for some reason my mind had wondered to the promise he made.

_"I don't know how you can stand the taste of coffee, it's completely disgusting!" My father looked up from his stack of paperwork. He smiled so bright yet his blue eyes suggested he was lacking in sleep. "You'll understand when you get older."_

_I glanced out the window and watched the people pass by. "I wonder what people in like India do during the day." I thought out loud. From the corner of my eye, I could see the spark catch dad's attention. _

_I turned to face him, examining him closely. Seeing the gears shifting in his head, I was curious as to what he was possibly thinking about. "Let's travel the world!" He grew giddy with excitement. "You and I could write a book about how different people are and how different the cultures are from our own!" He was like a child on Christmas morning. _

_The sudden idea didn't get me as worked up as he was. "Dad, everyone has written a book on different cultures and mom wouldn't let me go on this, not while I'm still in school." I feared he would become heartbroken._

_Loud laughter filled the small coffee shop, attracting all kinds of glares and questioning looks. "Then we'll go after you graduate! We'll write about the people and their daily lives. Naruto, a blank page gives the right to dream." His smile couldn't have possibly been any happier. _

_I looked at him with doubt, and I couldn't bring myself to believe him. "Do you promise?" I asked. He held up his pinky and looked me dead in my matching ocean blue eyes. "I promise on my life; we're going to travel the world together." I smiled and intertwined my pinky with his. _

'When you said 'A blank page gives the right to dream', did you mean that for everyone or was it just some poetic bullshit? Dad, I'm about to turn eighteen and you're not here. You can't keep that promise now so what am I suppose to do? I've been saving money for three years for our trip and I'm about to graduate.

Why did you have to keep the promise to make it to my game? I would have understood. Now the only way I feel close to you is writing in this book with a broken spine and a hand written quote on the inside.'

I had to push away the journal; tear threatened to push over the edge. I looked at the two pastries sitting side by side. The sun was hitting them just right and somehow… I saw me and my dad. I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick picture before the moment passed.

"I didn't think you were one to take food pictures." I jumped at the sound of Sasuke's voice. He chuckled at my display of fright. "I… I normally don't but lately I haven't been myself." I glanced back at the pastries; the moment had faded away already.

I motioned for Sasuke to take a seat but he waved it off. "I was just stopping to get coffee but then I noticed you sitting over here." I smiled up at him. "I was just about to leave, so I'll walk with you." I stood and collected the journal, stuffing it back under my arm.

Sasuke looked at the two untouched pastries. "Oh, I almost forgot about them." I quickly snatched them up and shoved the lemon cheesecake cup in my mouth. The sweet tangy taste of the lemon shocked my taste buds, causing me to pucker up.

Apparently Sasuke found this incredibly hilarious and nearly dropped his coffee from laughing so hard. When I finally managed to down the little lemon cup, I inhaled desperately for air which cause a little bit of food to go down the wrong tube. I coughed uncontrollably while Sasuke patted my back; still laughing to me the whole time.

"Are you alright?" He asked after my coughing started to subside. "I'm okay." I stood up straight. "Need a sip of coffee?" He offered his own. "I don't care for coffee to much but thanks anyways." I smiled at the thought of sharing something that had touched Sasuke's lips.

We walked out together, heading further into the city. "So what's up with the journal?" I was slightly caught off guard by the question. "Wha-, oh this… its… this is how I talk to my dad." I kept my gaze forward. "You write to him?" I felt his eyes on me.

I let out a breath slowly, preparing to explain. "He left it to me, and on the inside there's this quote that says, 'writing is the best way of talking without being interrupted.' So that's what I do. I write to him as if we're talking." I peeked at Sasuke from the corner of my eyes.

He had a small smile, and he was looking forward. "That's really sweet. What were you talking to him about?" He blinked once then looked over to me. "I had to tell someone about you." My eyes ended up looking down at the concrete sidewalks. I almost didn't notice Sasuke had stopped.

Being one step ahead of him I had to turn to look back at him. "Why would you want to tell your dad about me?" His head cocked a little to the side. The answer seemed obvious to me and I thought Sasuke would know it too. "Well… because you're the best thing that's happened to me since his death." I looked away to hide my blushing.

I hadn't heard him close the space between us when he reached out and guided my head to look at him. His eyes said so much even though they were so dark; his smile was like a beautiful masterpiece. I was in such awe of his physical features; I was shocked when I felt his lips gently press against mine.

At first I didn't react, but then my eyelids slowly slid shut and my right hand found its way to the back of his neck and I deepened the kiss. It was beyond perfect; better than I ever could have imagined.


	6. I Dont Feel It Anymore

Chapter Five

I Don't Feel it Anymore

Days passed and Sasuke did nothing but avoid me. He wouldn't answer my calls, he didn't reply to my texts, and he wouldn't look at me during school. I was starting to believe I might have screwed up everything.

After we had kissed, everything seemed fine. Sasuke held my hand as we walked and he even gave me his number. He asked me to call him the next day but when I did, he wouldn't answer. I thought maybe he just didn't recognize the number.

When I tried to talk to him Monday morning, he completely avoided me. He walked right past me without as much as a glance at me. I shrugged it off as nothing, thinking he was just in a hurry. I wouldn't let myself over think things just yet.

Nothing hurt worse than when he stopped showing up to classes. The day he didn't show up was they day of my birthday. All during second period I cried on the roof. Once again I was all alone to deal with the pain of loss.

Three weeks had passed since then and there was still no sign of him. It seemed as if he just vanished into thin air; like he never even existed. That's what I started telling myself. Sasuke Uchiha never existed and was never a part of my life.

"You'll never guess whose back!" Kiba came running down the hall. "Is it Gaara and his family?" I closed my locker. "How'd you guess?" Kiba pouted. I chuckled quietly at the face he was making. "Gaara called me." I smiled.

Kiba crossed his arms and huffed in frustration. "No fair! Why did you get to find out first?" We started walking down the hall together. "I'm his favorite." I joked. It only made Kiba pout more and I laughed harder.

Upon entering our class, we took our usual seats and chatted about Gaara being back. We hardly noticed when Gaara came in and took a seat next to us. "What are you to on about?" He smiled brightly. "Gaara, it's so good to see you!" I reached across the small aisle between the desks and pulled him into a huge hug.

We both laughed loudly as we pulled away from each other. "When were you released from the hospital?" I asked. "Two days ago." He responded. "Then why weren't you here Monday morning!" Kiba barked at him. Gaara laughed at the childish display.

The class seem to quiet down when Kakashi entered and didn't immediately sit down at his desk. "Class, I would like us all to take a moment of silence for the student we lost last night." He said in a grim tone. For a moment I panicked, thinking it was Sasuke but then I reminded myself that he no longer existed in my world.

Still, the thought lingered in my mind. After the minute had passed, I looked up at Kiba who was obviously wondering the same thing. "Who do you think it was?" I asked. "Could it have been Sasuke?" Kiba asked in return.

I glanced around at everyone else as they quietly talked amongst themselves. I turned around to face Sakura who was talking to the person across from her. "Hey, do you know who it was?" I interrupted their conversation. "It was Haku. Apparently he hung himself last night. I didn't even realize he was depressed." She didn't seem to mind answering.

I must have looked confused because Sakura explained more about who this Haku was. "You remember, he was really strong and looked like a girl. He had long black hair… and dark brown eyes." The image popped into my head and a quiet 'oh' escaped my lips.

I turned back to face Kiba and Gaara who were already talking about someone else. "You should have seen how close he and Sasuke were." Kiba looked at me. "Speaking of which, where the hell is Sasuke? Hasn't it been like three weeks already?" I shrugged.

"I guess he moved. Never said anything to me so who cares." The words were so bitter. He left me so I shouldn't care, but the wound he left was still very much fresh. I didn't want to ponder over him anymore so I changed the subject.

The rest of the school day went by quickly. All we did was morn over the loss of Haku, which over half the student body was faking. I remember Haku as a loner type; no one really talked to him or even hung out with him. The only person I ever saw Haku hang around was the swim coach, Zabuza Momochi.

When I got home, I notice a parcel sitting on the porch with an envelope set on top of that. Both items had my name written on them. I picked them both up then checked the mail which had two more envelopes addressed to me. 'That's strange. I've already received my last few birthday cards from distant relative's weeks ago.' I thought.

After entering the house, I set the items on the table and placed my backpack on the ground. I opened the first enveloped and found a small note and a ribbon in it.

_Naruto,_

_Please deliver this ribbon to Zabuza as soon as possible. Thank _

_you for being a good friend._

_ -Haku_

'A good friend? I hardly ever talk to you.' The words circled around in my head. I shrugged and placed the ribbon back into the envelope. Sliding it to the side, I grabbed the parcel and opened it. A worn out book sat on the table.

The title was one I recognized from the old book shelf in my dad's office at the college. _The Iliad_ by Homer was one of the books my father would read a million times. He could quote it from front to back. I never understood what was so fantastic about it, but I had never read all of it either.

I looked at the book for an hour before I reached for it. The leather was cracked in different areas from all the times it's been opened and closed. The cover was slightly faded from all the years of being carried or stored next to other books.

I didn't know what to do, so I put the book down and grabbed the envelope that was placed on top of it when I found it. Before opening it I inhaled deeply and held my breath. I pulled out the contents and unfolded it.

_Naruto,_

_ Happy eighteenth birthday! I'm sorry I couldn't make it this year and that I won't be able to attend any of the others. It deeply saddens me. I hope you got the journal that I left to you as well as this book. I want you to have a lot of my most valued items so every birthday you'll get something else. It will only last for about six more years after this but I also have your high school graduation present ready. _

_I love you and your mother very much, but I knew I didn't have much longer. I saw my death angel waiting for me days before the accident; I didn't want you or your mother getting suspicions so I acted as if I hadn't seen him. I wish now that I would have spent more time with both of you._

_I hope you forgive me soon for not telling you. Please don't throw away your life because you think I'm no longer there. I'll always be there for you Naruto. _

_-Love always,_

_Your father_

Tears ran down my cheeks not from complete sadness, but also from joy that I finally got a letter back from my father. I was happy that I would at least get six more years of letters back from him. I was happy that I would be able to hold the same things he held dear to himself.

By the time my mother got home, I had forgotten the last letter. I'd sat at the table for hours rereading the letter I received from my father. Somewhere in the timeline, I even opened up the book and started reading it. It was more interesting than I thought.

"What are you reading Naruto?" Kushina's voice erupted the silence. "_The Iliad._" I marked the page I was on before closing it and turning to face my mother. "Your father loved that book." She smiled sadly. "I know, this is his copy. He sent it to me for my birthday." The smile she has was now mirrored on my face.

Shock quickly took over her features. "What do you mean?" I handed her the letter. While she read, tears fell from her eyes. Her hand quickly covered her mouth, and she started to shake a little. I stood and walked over to her, pulling her into a tight hug.

It was awkward at first since we'd become so distant, but then she hugged back and it was like nothing ever changed between us. I even held on to her a little longer because I had missed her motherly touch so much.

That night, we sat up the whole night crying. We talked everything out; settling the war we didn't know was happening between us. I was relieved to have something back to normal; to have someone else who knew what I was going through and someone to talk to.


End file.
